Pork pies

I love fish and chips and I love a good culinary tale so put the two together and this story is irresistible even if it is slightly suspect. Fish and chip shops across the UK will this year be celebrating the 150th anniversary of Britain’s favourite fast food. The action kicked off this week at award-winning fish frier Linford’s in the Lincolnshire village of Market Deeping where staff and guests from the industry dressed in Victorian costume to serve customers with traditional fish and chip lunches. Now here’s the leap of faith bit - although both battered fried fish and fried potatoes have been sold and eaten in the UK for centuries, research carried out by the National Federation of Fish Friers pinpoints 1860 as the year in which the two were first put together and sold commercially.
The Malin family in London claim to be the first to open a fish and chip business but of course there is a competing claim and that is from the Lees family in Manchester. The story goes that Joseph Malin, a mere 13 year old in 1860, came up with the idea when his parents – whose principal occupation was rug weaving – began frying chips in their home. Enterprising young Joseph then married these up with battered fried fish from a fish warehouse and sold the combined dish on the streets. Later he established a business that fried and sold hot fish and chips as a meal we would recognise today. Nice video, shame about the song. The National Federation of Fish Friers have some other equally fascinating stories about fish and chips. They claim it is the nation’s favourite takeaway although other sources give that honour to Chicken Tikka. They also claim that a typical portion of fish and chips contains 36 per cent less calories than a chicken korma and pilau rice and 42 per cent less fat than a doner kebab with pitta and salad. And if that wasn’t enough they say that fish and chips had the lowest salt content of all the takeaways tested. More pork pies than fish and chips I would say.

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Nordic cobblers

It seems that that one of the next PC things to bring some anguish and pain to our lives will be this bloody carbon footprint concept invading the food world. Already the Swedes (it had to be the Swedes or the Danes, it’s the cold and the midnight sun that addles their brains) are tampering with food labels that reflect carbon footprints and a Swedish fast food chain is trying to discourage people from eating too much meat by publishing the carbon footprint of each item on its menu. The Max Burger restaurant in central Stockholm, entices you in by masquerading as a burger joint but as soon as they have you in their snare they really try to sell you falafel burger or half beef/half soya burgers. Max Burger claims to be the first restaurant chain in the world to publish CO2 emissions on its menu. From the methane produced by the cows, to the machinery used on the farm, through to the emissions produced by the abattoir and the lorries which move the meat around - the weight of CO2 represents the carbon footprint of that meal. So it’s a case of “We’ve got meat burgers but look at how bad they are for the planet so have a veggie burger instead!” What sort of a bloody business model is that? Yes sir, of course we are a pub but alcohol makes you drunk so please have an orange juice, freshly squeezed using hand power only, from our own local backyard orange grove, organic, freetrade and fully sustainable, served without any mechanically produced ice in a carved non breakable beaker from a certified renewable timber plantation. What a load of cobblers!

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New Years wishes

Despite what I often write about them,I quite like TV Chefs. Well not all of them of course, not even most of them, but some do stand out as knowing what they are talking about and anyway I reckon that anything that can raise the profile of preparing good quality food in the home kitchen or in the restaurant instead of mass producing it in a frozen food factory, can only be a good thing. However, having said that, there are some things about them that really rub me up the wrong way and since it's that time of year for believing in a little magic and making the odd wish or two, here are 10 wishes for TV Chefs for 2010.

1) I know where fruit and vegetables come from. I really wish you would stop starting your show with a trip to the market where you exchange jokes with an embarrassed barrow boy before wandering off without paying for anything.

2) It's a cookery show - if I wanted to see someone making a stirfry in front of Victoria Falls, I would have switched over to the Discovery Channel. Cook in kitchens, relax in scenic locations.

3) Is it really necessary to dress up like a clown in baggy pants and multicoloured jackets to produce good food?

4) Enough of the vanilla pods now, tell us that vanilla extract is just as good and you don't get little black spots.

5) I wish you would all stop waving your arms around, you're all like bloody windmills.

6) Use your finger like the rest of us, why reach for a spoon when hygiene obviously isn't top of your list, after all you don't even bother to wear a hat like a real chef does.

7) If Ainsley says " Sally Salt " and " Peter Pepper " one more time I wish he would turn into a pillar of salt.

8) Never, ever, ever let that Justin Bonello character loose again. Rather show us constant re-runs of "Memorable speeches by PW Botha"

9) Someone please buy Nigel Slater a knife and fork for Xmas - he looks like a little squirrel nibbling at an acorn when he eats anything.

10) My final wish is to see more chefs on TV and less TV Chefs.

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Tea for 2.......thousand

Well the silly season may be over as we all head back to work but it appears that there will be no let up to the bloody stupid things that some of us do. For example The American Dairy Association has just unveiled a giant cup of hot chocolate in New York weighing more than 4,180 pounds and claiming the record for the Largest Cup of Hot Chocolate in the world. The seven-foot wide mug held 487 gallons -- that's almost eight thousand cups of of piping hot cocoa -- not to mention kilos of marshmallows. The previous Guinness world record for the largest cup of hot chocolate was set by the Serendipity Three Restaurant with a four gallons of hot chocolate. Why would anyone want to do something so silly? Why would they feel the need to increase the record from a mere 4 gallons to 487 gallons? And why stop at 487 gallons, why not 500 gallons or 600 gallons? If you’re going to be silly why not be extraordinarily silly?

I always find these food records boring and crass but the one thing that does interest me is what do they do with the cup afterwards? It’s a bit like that silly hat that you bought for a fancy dress party and have no intention of ever wearing in public so it sits in the bottom of your wardrobe, a constant reminder of a night you might perhaps prefer to forget. They can’t use it again because presumably the next bunch of bozos will try to outdo them. They certainly can’t lend it to the folks in Fort Scott Kansas who hold the world record for the largest cup of tea because their cup holds 700 gallons. Come to think of it why didn’t they just borrow the cup from Kansas and set a more impressive record? You see this is my point entirely, the people who do this type of thing just have no brains!

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Sunday afternoon at the bioscope

Janice and Ray get caught out by fancy menu terms again. They order Gazpacho only to be dismayed to discover that it's tomato soup that the restaurant hasn't even bothered to warm up for them. FeedBlitz subscribers should visit the site to view.

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Dilly Diner of the Week

Our first Dilly Diner of the New Year is Coolbaby Pet Restaurant, Beijing’s first restaurant to serve people with their pets. On one side of each sofa in the restaurant, there is a metal hoop to tie the pets. Free snacks, like candy, muffins, and bones are served. Dogs can eat from special plates with their owners on the same table. The restaurant also serves human food.
As dogs need to walk every day, most of the facilities in the restaurant are for dogs. Barriers are built outside for people to tie up their dogs when they need to have a rest. Inside, customers can leave messages on the brick walls. Most of the customers express their love and passion for their pets. Some even draw portraits of dogs and owners standing happily together.
“The idea of a pet restaurant has been very popular in some western countries. We opened this restaurant for all the people who love animals and offer them a place to share their experience and interests,” said Hou Zhihua, one of the staff.
This sounds all very well and good but this is Beijing after all and I would like to keep my pooches as close as possible to me for entirely different reasons especially in a restaurant that serves “human food”!

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That Was The Year That Was

The year started with old Marco Piss Pot trying to get a few PR kudos by re igniting his long running feud with former protégé, His Gordoness. “ I honestly believe that if Gordon were made of chocolate he would eat himself”.he declared. Meanwhile, reacting to stories that Gordo had plastic surgery to fill in the creases in his face, his spokesperson retorted with disdain “ Gordon would be the first person to mercilessly take the piss out of anyone who had plastic surgery.” Well I’m sorry to say that it certainly wasn’t chocolate polyfilla that made his face as smooth as his backside!

Now I don’t know where this one came from but the cheeky chappie from Essex,Jammy Jamie, made the rather extraordinary claim this year that he is 6 th generation Sudanese – with an accent like that? Don’t even mention the colour thing!

We lost poor old Keith Floyd this year but true to form he didn’t go with a whimper. He enjoyed his last meal at the Hix Oyster and Fish House, run by a rather level headed, nice guy chef, Mark Hix. They put the menu of his last meal on the next day as a tribute. Floyd went out on Champagne cocktails, Oysters, Potted shrimp, Partridge, Perry jelly, White burgundy, a few glasses of Cotes de Rhone and lots of fags. Nice one Keith and nice one Mark.

Bloom’n Hestonstein got away with murder this year – well almost! After poisoning more than 500 people in his restaurant over a sustained period of time he not only escaped public censure but even got voted as restaurant of the year! In his quest for perfection he has vowed to try to down even more diners this year!

Now I want to silence once and for all this ugly rumour that I don’t like celebrity chefs – I love them! What else would I write about for the next year? Have a good one , everyone.

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